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  • Writer's pictureKylie Inglis

CONNECTION // To be known

Updated: Sep 14, 2021


One of the strongest attributes of connection within relationships, is the feeling of being known.

There is something other worldly and euphoric when we meet a new soul for the first time, and there is no need for explanations – they just “get me.”

The feeling of being utterly known is at the core of sexual intimacy – one of the highest culminating expressions of connection. (Note the term intimacy, not necessarily intercourse).

It is the furthest feeling away from isolation and loneliness. Such an incredible driving force that people are willing to settle for extreme counterfeits like pornography and social media, in order to quell the desire or avoid its alternative. It's a lucrative feeling.

I believe that being known is what our soul is looking for in a relationship.

I remember a man who once sought my affections. I could see the generous amount of effort he put into pursuing me, only to leave me somehow feeling alone in his company. At first, I couldn’t understand how this could be, he was a great guy. Then one day I realised he spent most of our time together trying to impress me. As a result, most of our interactions left me feeling unknown, and inundated with a resume of his worthiness. It was a wall to me – a great separating distance between his soul, and mine. And while I enjoyed coming to know about him, I could never escape the feeling of disconnection in his company. I am certainly sure I have committed this same error in the passing of souls through my life.

When we are busy worrying about what people think or feel towards us, we miss out on developing connection with them. It is one of the biggest mistakes I see guys make – trying to impress a girl, instead of geniunely giving her the feeling of being known by him. There is such a thing as feeling utterly alone in a relationship, as some of you already know.

Imagine our relationships, if we could be more aware to love people in this way.

While there are those that we seem to "get" immediately, there are also those that we may need to observe a little longer, with a little more intentionality. Just don't assume - that's a good rule in general! Take the time to discover people, and I believe it will transform you and those around you.


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